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Expensive Annie: I just lately had my fiftieth birthday. My boyfriend and I’ve been relationship for seven years, with a two-year break. His pal just lately requested me if my boyfriend gave me a gift from him. I hadn’t acquired the current, so I didn’t say something to my boyfriend, hoping possibly time simply bought away from us and he forgot. It has been over six weeks now, and nonetheless nothing. There isn’t a probability my boyfriend is jealous of his pal in any method.
Might my boyfriend be holding an previous grudge from our previous breakup? We broke up due to a trauma of mine that he didn’t deal with nicely; he ended up disrespecting me reasonably than consoling me. There are another issues I really feel he’s shielded about, however this feels totally different.
Is he stealing my current, or is there one thing I’m not getting? This appears out of character for him. I don’t need to be in a one-sided or dishonest relationship. — Confused
Persons are additionally studying…
Expensive Confused: The truth that you’re unwilling to ask him point-blank what occurred to your reward is proof of a disconnect. Work out what’s holding you again — are you afraid of the reply? Of him getting indignant? Of different issues he could also be hiding from you?
It’s clear that you simply and your boyfriend have to work on open, sincere communication. No relationship can survive with out it — particularly one the place one or each events have endured a trauma. The assistance of an expert therapist would possibly help you determine a communication model that works for you each.
Expensive Annie: My fiancee of 10 years needs us to maneuver ahead based mostly on lies. Final 12 months, I came upon my fiancee was having an affair. I known as her out on it, and he or she broke it off with him. We’ve been engaged on issues (two deaths within the household slowed issues a bit and made instances troublesome), and for essentially the most half, we’re doing OK.
I need to forgive her and proceed on to marriage. Drawback is, she swears it was a one-week affair the place they’d intercourse 3 times. However I’ve discovered loads of notes, footage and their goings-on on social media, and her household suggests it was a yearlong affair.
I’ve requested her loads of instances to simply inform me the reality so I can forgive and we are able to transfer ahead. She retains telling me to give up dwelling prior to now. I preserve telling myself that I do know the reality and that I ought to simply let it go. However I really feel I can’t transfer ahead based mostly on lies. What ought to I do? — Confused Coronary heart in Missouri
Expensive Confused Coronary heart: Enlist the assistance of a {couples} counselor to work by your fiancee’s affair and mend the injury it has triggered. I additionally marvel — why a 10-year engagement? Maybe in your counseling you’ll discover options to different underlying points which have prevented you from tying the knot sooner.
It appears you and your fiancee each need to put this occasion behind you and transfer ahead in your relationship and into marriage. Nevertheless, it’s clear that your fiancee’s infidelity is weighing on you each. This matter can’t merely be swept below the rug or ignored. To actually shut this chapter, you each have to be keen to do the work and confront it to beat it.
Ship your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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